


A Shot in the Dark

by LotharWinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2nd American Civil War, M/M, Mild Language, Multi, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2013-11-02
Packaged: 2017-12-31 05:37:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1027873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LotharWinchester/pseuds/LotharWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yes, there is triggering material in this fic. so much so that I feel for certain chapters I'll post warnings ahead of time. (like this one.)</p><p>in this chapter: mentions of War, PTSD, Homophobia and Homophobic slurs, violence. (obvious for the last one, this is an M rated fic)</p><p>so if any of that upsets you, stop here. Seriously.</p><p>warnings for future chapters: War (bombings, riots, starvation), Survivor guilt, Homophobia, Homophobic slurs, violence including attempted rape and murder, major character death.</p><p>Parings: established Sabriel and Balcifer.</p><p>soundtrack: The Chemical Brothers- Escape 700, Puscifer- Conditions of my Parole, Man Overboard, System of a Down- Aerials, Nothing Else Matters- Apocalyptica.</p><p>Beta'd by: L. Greene thank you again!</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [L_Greene](https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_Greene/gifts).



> Yes, there is triggering material in this fic. so much so that I feel for certain chapters I'll post warnings ahead of time. (like this one.)
> 
> in this chapter: mentions of War, PTSD, Homophobia and Homophobic slurs, violence. (obvious for the last one, this is an M rated fic)
> 
> so if any of that upsets you, stop here. Seriously.
> 
> warnings for future chapters: War (bombings, riots, starvation), Survivor guilt, Homophobia, Homophobic slurs, violence including attempted rape and murder, major character death.
> 
> Parings: established Sabriel and Balcifer.
> 
> soundtrack: The Chemical Brothers- Escape 700, Puscifer- Conditions of my Parole, Man Overboard, System of a Down- Aerials, Nothing Else Matters- Apocalyptica.
> 
> Beta'd by: L. Greene thank you again!

Gabriel sighed and sunk further into the chair as he scrunched his nose at the T.V. Another state had seceded and Alabama had a few hours earlier. A part of him craved for the years where he could actually turn it on without seeing _this…_ Seeing his now fellow American citizens giving up on the Old Government and seceding to the New Republic of the South.

He glanced to his left and watched as his elder cousin Balthazar warmed up some Campbell's soup on a gas camp stove. The man had been back from the war in Afghanistan for two years and still couldn't sleep right. Gabe's heart pounded loudly in his ears, making it hard to focus on the evening news. Somehow, Cass had gotten the generator to power the T.V. and the water. He never asked how or where he had learned to do such things.

The national debt clock appeared on the screen and he gripped the arm of his leather recliner. His eyes followed the numbers as they rapidly increased. How had the Old Government economy survived? Even if it did manage to bounce back, the United States would never be the same.

A loud crash echoed through the two-bedroom flat and Gabriel did a complete one-eighty in the living room. Lucifer rushed into the adjoining kitchen and knelt beside Balthazar on the floor.

"Hush love, _hush_ ," he whispered as Balthazar whimpered. "It's alright, you're okay."

Gabriel sighed and quickly switched off the T.V. Lucifer would need help getting Balthazar up off the floor and the stove would burn a hole through the pot if it wasn't taken off. Gabe navigated around the center island and grabbed the metal pot by the handle. Balthazar glanced up at him, his eyes wide and pupils fully dilated.

" _S…sorry_." he choked as his right arm began to twitch in Luce's grasp.

"Balthie," the younger blonde whispered, "Can you stand for me?"

The elder man shook his head and curled into a ball. Gabriel placed the pot on the center island on top of a cooling pad before he knelt down on Balthazar's left side.

"We need to get you into the bedroom, cousin," he said softly and gently touched Balthazar's shoulder. "Come on, now."

With a rough tug, Gabe had draped Balthazar's left arm across his shoulder and Lucifer had managed to get Balthazar's right arm around his waist. Together, they slowly dragged him out of the kitchen and down the hall to the door of one of the bedrooms. Gabriel let the arm drop from his shoulder and held the door open for Luce. A flash illuminated the room from the opposite side of the hallway and Balthazar cried out in fear. The next door neighbors must've been tossing homemade Molotov cocktails at the NRS supporters across the street from them. Lucifer frowned at him as he closed the door to give them some privacy. He knew they would have to leave and it had to be soon.  
\---

Castiel sighed as he listened to Lucifer whisper soothing words to Balthazar. He could imagine Lu's face, his eyes closed with his mouth set in a soft, reassuring smile and his arms wrapped around Balthazar's shoulders while the older man cried into Lu's white cotton shirt. He glanced back at his laptop screen and focused on the man that sat in front of the other camera. He had kept his silence about this man for so long, he couldn't imagine the day when he finally told his housemates. When he would tell them about Dean Winchester.

Dean frowned as he listened to the background noise from Castiel's Skype feed. He had been on a Skype call with Cass one too many times where Balthazar had slipped into a PTSD-induced episode but he knew Balthazar's pain. He'd come back from war a year before Balthazar had and holed himself up in a slummy apartment outside of Wichita. His brother had pushed him a little too hard to get back into society and it hadn't ended well—he had jumped out of a public bus on the highway. He still couldn't function completely in places packed with people. He was always searching the crowd for a potential threat.

So he smiled sadly as Balthazar slammed his fists into the wall and sobbed against the chipped plaster. Cass looked at the picture frame that had fallen off the wall and crashed onto the floor because of the impact. He bit his lip and looked back to Dean for support.

"It's alright," he whispered into his headset. He continued to smile at Cass. "Lu knows what to do. He'll calm him down."

Cass nodded solemnly and looked past Dean to the flag on his off-white wall. There was a time when he believed every word that had come out of the elder Winchester's mouth. The man had said he loved him once. Cass sighed as he ran his hand through his dark, unkempt hair. Dean had sent his younger brother back to the Old Government a few months ago and accepted the position as President.

Dean Winchester, President of the New Republic of the South.

He knew he'd never wrap his head around Dean's decision. He passed laws in the Old Southern states that prohibited any public displays of affection, civil unions, or marriages for gay and lesbian couples. Then he took away their rights to vote and to hold office, among many more basic rights. The man was a hypocrite and Castiel shivered at the inclination that the NRS and USS main foundations were flawed from the get go.

"Dean…" Castiel glanced over his shoulder as he heard Gabriel's feet pad against the cracked wood floor. "I can't do this anymore."

The smile quickly vanished from Dean's face. He sat up and placed his laptop on a cooling tray in front of him.

"I don't understand, Cass," he whispered as his fingers traced near his camera. "I need you…"

_"You don't need me,"_ Cass said, gritting his teeth. A sudden wave of _don't give a damn_ swept over him. "You've made that abundantly clear, Dean Winchester."

Dean's hand closed as he placed it on the edge of his laptop's keyboard. A single tear rolled down his cheek. _"Cass…"_

"Don't call me," Cass growled loud enough for Gabriel to hear it in the next room. "You hypocritical son of a bitch."

Dean said nothing as Castiel ended the call. He couldn't. Not without any of his subordinates hearing his desperate pleas. He slowly removed his head set and placed it on the bed beside him. He knew Castiel was right.

With a slight snarl, Dean lifted the laptop off the tray and slammed it into the cement wall beside his barely open bedroom window. He couldn't fully call it a window because it opened out to the Tactical Unit training yard. He lived in a reserve bunker below the now-sleeping Kansas streets.

\---

Castiel had only once asked something of him after everything Dean had put him through in the past year: to let his little brother Sam flee to the North to be with Gabriel. Neither of them had been discreet about their relationship and it had nearly gotten Sammy killed on his trip to Alabama. Dean had been a general back then, but not by choice. He had a chance. A chance to flee with Sam to be with Cass, and he flat-out refused. He was no fag but his brother sure as Hell was.

He wasn't angry at Sam. His brother was his own separate human being and had his own life to live, and Dean… Well, he had never fully despised homosexuals, unlike many of his Cabinet members and the residents of his newly formed country.

An alarm sounded down the hall before a woman's rough voice crackled over the PA system.

_"Code 700."_ Dean sighed as it droned incessantly. _"Code 700."_

Dean tossed the remnants of his laptop onto his bed and forced his closet door open. He sighed as he slipped into a Kevlar vest and pants. He glanced at the Colt .45 Castiel had given him as a birthday present as he strapped his helmet onto his head and reached out for the BAR that rested before him. He shook his head and situated the BAR strap onto his body before he slid the gun's butt into its section on the strap. He wished they'd stop finding their way in. He didn't want to kill anyone. Not anymore.


	2. Mad World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> igger warnings for this chapter: war, survivors guilt, violence.
> 
> Thank you to all of the people who have followed this story so far and to Az, who told me "I can only tell you, write whatever the hell you feel like writing and dont worry about anyone being a douche about it, it's your fic afterall so let them feels fly free~"

"You Southe"You Southerners are all the same." Dean frowned as he glanced down at one of the Old Government's infiltration soldiers. "You claim to fight for the Old Ways but you're not," the soldier spat.

He continued to frown as the man— _boy_. He was a boy. No older than seventeen. Dean cleared his throat and motioned to his two TU soldiers to keep their swords crossed at his neck. The sliver dug into his neck and dulled beneath the soft trickle of blood. It shut the boy up.

"How's Garth?" Dean chuckled as he knelt down to meet the boy's face. "Oh wait, your President doesn't meet with his underlings. Pity, the Garth I knew cared for his followers…" He let the _s_ hiss from his lips and turned to his four remaining soldiers. Two were leaning against each wall.

Dean hated this. Acting like an uncaring hard ass. He glanced around at the six sets of eyes waiting for his command. He twitched the right side of his mouth and the two sword-wielding TU soldiers slit the intruder's neck until his head was removed from his shoulders. Dean leaned down and grasped the boy's head in his right hand and lifted it off the floor. Five soldiers moved to remove the body while one drew a video camera out of a slot in the wall. He followed behind Dean as they walked briskly down the hallway towards the cement steps that led to the upper level. The other three intruders had been dealt with. Now he needed to send a message to the ones who sent them.

\---

Castiel pushed his face into his alabaster hands. His perpetually long fingernails scratched his forehead painfully but he ignored it. The pain of tearing Dean Winchester out of his life was coarser than he imagined. He let his left hand drop to his laptop keyboard and swim through the general motions to shut it down. Balthazar shrieked in despair when Lucifer tried to comfort him again.

"Hon, it's alright." Lu whispered. Castiel only heard it because it was right beside his wall. Balthazar mumbled a series of "No's" until he smashed his head into the wall. Castiel jumped out of his moping and closed the laptop lid. He thought back to the last time Balthazar had gotten this violent during an episode. Lu still had a scar below his hairline from it.

Castiel sighed loudly and stood, his bare feet touching the cold plywood floor as he made his way to his bedroom door. He needed to talk to Gabriel and assure himself that he had done the right thing.

He was surprised to see Gabriel and Sam outside of his door. He nodded and motioned for them to both come inside and turned on his heel to follow them. Gabriel said nothing and pulled one of Castiel's metal folding chairs towards the wall closest to Balthazar and Lucifer. Sam motioned with his head towards Cass's bed and the raven-haired man nodded after he moved the laptop to the floor beside it.

Sam sat at the foot of the bed and watched as Gabriel placed his right hand against the wall. This house was supposed to be a fresh start for all of them. They had finally been granted US citizenship and found jobs in the North before the Southern states started to secede. The government hadn't fully declared war since the New Republic of the South hadn't done anything to prompt Congress into a declaration of war debate. Yet.

Balthazar sobbed and the wall thumped above Gabriel's hand. He frowned when the room went quiet for a few moments. Had Balthazar finally calmed down? Another shout echoed through the room; Castiel bit his lip, Sam ran his fingers through his hair and Gabriel fisted his hand on the grey chipped plaster. No one knew what to do to help the elder blonde.

\---

Lucifer watched as Balthazar's episode increased into a full blown meltdown. He backed off and braced himself beside the window. He was prepared to jump out if need be. Luce watched as Balthazar punched the wall and flipped over their nightstand with his bloody hands. Tears streamed down the man's face as he crumpled to the floor.

"How can you stand to touch me?" he whispered into his hands. "I killed a _kid_ Lucifer." He gasped as he dropped back against the wall. "I… I… shot him."

Lucifer said nothing as he moved away from the wall and cautiously stepped towards his lover. He had never fully talked about what happened on his second tour other than the fact that he was honorably discharged afterwards. He had watched Balthazar gain and lose progress in his attempts to recover and stood by him when he finally took the steps to get clean after he started doing cocaine. He glanced down at the simple silver band on his left ring finger and smiled softy.

"Balthazar." He reached out to cradle the elder man's face in his palm, "Love, look at me. Please."

He drew Balthazar's now balled fists away from his face and put them down beside his body, leaning forward so their foreheads touched. "I love you, Balthazar Milligan." He kissed the bridge of Balthazar's nose. "I love you no matter what you've done."

Lucifer embraced him as the blonde began to sob again. He let Balthazar soak his worn T-shirt with tears until he shuddered and wrapped his arms around Lu's neck. He lifted his head after a few moments but only far enough so he could whisper into Luce's ear.

"I thought they had packed him with a bomb," Balthazar gasped faintly, "but it was the man beside him. I had an open shot at the actual guy and I ended up shooting the kid instead." Lu gently palmed his hand through Balthazar's short hair to distract him from his now slow, fat tears. "He couldn't've been older than seven, Lucifer." Balthazar gripped the short sleeves of Lu's T-shirt. "And his mother… I couldn't look her in the eyes as she held that poor boy." He inhaled and choked, "Everyone else I killed was in an ambush. We were supposed to go train local forces." He pulled away and tried to break out of his lover's grasp. "It was two weeks before I came home."

Lucifer glanced down at Balthazar's open, shaking hands. "Lucifer, it pains me to wake up most mornings… even if you're right there beside me. I took that boy's life. His future. He could've been—"

"You don't know what he could've been, Balthazar." Lucifer shook his head and met Balthazar's gaze.

"I took away his potential!" Balthazar gasped out. "I took away any positive input he could've given this world. I took a child from a mother far too soon and the only thing you seem to be pissed off about is the fact that you can't make me happy every fucking waking moment!" He shoved Lu away and paced towards the door.

"What pisses me off is that it's killing you inside!" Lucifer shouted back. "You shot him because you thought he was going to take the lives of everyone there, including the rest of your fellow soldiers!"

"I was trained to spot possible threats and tell another soldier, not to shoot the target myself. I disobeyed an order and some of my training. If I hadn't, that kid could still be alive."

"But there is a possibility the kid could've died because of the man standing next to him!"

"I know!" Balthazar growled, "But three of the men in my unit were killed instead and they were all Castiel's age."

The whole house went silent. Even the leaky faucet and creaking door were mysteriously noiseless. Balthazar nearly ripped his blazer from his body and tossed it onto the floor before he pulled his tank top over his head. Blood from his hands splotched the shirt as it dripped down from his hands.

"You asked me where I got this scar from." He pointed to the long line running straight down the side of his left arm that sloped and stopped above his wrist. "It was a fragment of the bomb that dug through my uniform." He glanced down at the other scar that marred his hip. "This one was from the ambush..."

Lucifer wrapped his fingers around Balthazar's wrist and held it steady. The older man murmured, "I'm a monster. A murderer."

"Balthazar…" Lu's left hand caressed Balthazar's cheek as he pulled the man back into their room and gently pushed him on the bed. "You need to rest, please, love."

\---

Gabriel and Sam silently slipped out of Castiel's room a few hours later. Lu emerged just as Cass was about to close the door. He smiled sadly and nodded once at the laptop in his hands. He had heard his talk with Dean. Lu made a lips sealed motion and turned to go make himself an early breakfast. Castiel watched Lu until he took a left into the small kitchen area behind the center island. He knew Lu wouldn't tell anyone. They had enough secrets on each other to last eons.

Castiel placed his laptop back on his bed and gently closed the door behind him as he stepped back out into the hallway. He could hear Gabriel as he whispered softly to Sam and rose from bed. Castiel turned and padded his way towards Lu and the kitchen but stopped at Lu and Balthazar's door. Music eased its way through the crack at the bottom of the door. Soft orchestral music he could place. He smiled sadly as Gabriel stopped as well. It was the song Lu often left on a repeating loop to soothe Balthazar into sleep.

_"Nothing else matters,"_ Gabriel whispered before he grasped his hand, "Come on, let's let him sleep."

A calm silence had worked its way over the three men. Lu continued to make some chicken noodle soup for Balthazar while he pounded down another mimosa. It was an odd drink for him so early in the morning. Castiel continued to muse as he thought back on Lu's usual drink of choice, a rum and Coke. Gabriel motioned to the burner and Lucifer nodded as he pulled his pan off of it. Gabriel set to work making his famous stomachache-inducing pancakes while Lu returned to Balthazar. A part of Castiel wished Balthazar wouldn't wake up right away to give Lucifer time to breathe. His whole life had been a never-ending saga of taking care of people: first Gabriel and then Castiel. Their parents always had to work to keep a roof over their heads and rarely did anything once they got home. He'd been taking care of someone else his whole life and never fully took care of himself.

"Balthazar's awake." Gabriel faked a smile for him and Castiel knew he was thinking the exact same thing. They both knew that it never was and never would be Balthazar's fault and could only wish him well. Neither of the brothers had been to war yet which was Lu's other mission in life. He didn't want to see his brothers suffer the way his husband currently was.

Gabriel sighed as the music faded out and Lu's gentle, coaxing voice convinced Balthazar to eat some soup.


End file.
